Stages of heartbreak-Love Story

One day you'll fall in love with a boy and he will tell you he's the happiest he's ever been, that he doesn't ever want anyone else than you.

Five months later he'll take everything back with a single text and a phone call because he's too much of a coward to break your heart in front of you.
And you will hurt. You will hurt so much that it feels like you're in a bad dream you can't wake up from. You'll cry next to your friend and she'll tell you he's not worth it, even though you know he is. No words will help you feel better and you'll want to cry for seven days straight, but you stay strong.

Stage one:

You don't let it get to you. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe he isn't worth it. You've got other things to do, right? Better things. So you focus on school for the next three weeks until vacation and when school's over you think: "I did a really good job of getting over him." And you are so proud of yourself because you didn't let it get to you, you didn't cry for seven days and you did everything you could for good grades.

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Stage two:

You take your words back: you are not over him. Because you didn't feel pain, because you didn't let it hurt you. Because you shoved all the pieces of your broken heart into a plastic box and tried to heal the rest with waterproof bandages that say "good for 48 hours". Every two days you'll replace the bandage and every two days you'll feel a bit of pain, but never too much because you fixed it just as quick as the bandage tore off. Then when you've been home doing nothing for two days you'll forget to replace a bandage and you knock over the box. All the pieces will fall out and start pouring tears out of your eyes. And you can't find any bandage anymore, you can't pick up the pieces anymore to put them away. You will hurt like hell and want to tear your heart out of your body, but then you'll have to hurt yourself. And you promised to never hurt yourself ever again.

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Stage three:

You'll start talking to boys to fill up the cracks and act like everything is fine. You'll tell everyone you're okay, you laugh with your best friend and you'll do anything to keep busy. Keeping busy means not thinking and not thinking means not hurting. One day someone will ask you out on a date and you'll politely say no because you're busy with work. In fact you prefer being lonely and miserable instead of being scared to get attatched. What if some of your broken pieces will cut that poor boy? What if he tastes the salt on your lips when he tries to kiss you? You'd rather not think about it. So you stay home and watch a movie, but your heart would give anything to be out with that boy and maybe, just maybe, see he's not that bad.

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Stage four:

A month later you'll be talking to a friend at work and he will ask about your boyfriend. you will try to smile and tell him he broke up with you, adding that it's no big deal. He will laugh and say you only attract stupid boys, and you will laugh with him. Little does he know that the only stupid person around is you and you're a fool for falling every goddamn time. But don't they dare to ask how you keep yourself together, because you're not. You are losing track of all the broken pieces, you are drowning in an ocean of tears and you're coughing up water and blood. Your hands are shaking and your legs are bruised. Good thing that it's cold outside so you can cover it all up. Don't let them see you get hurt. Don't let them see you weak.



Stage five:

Another month later the boy who broke your heart will reach out to your sister. "Tell her I said hi," he'll say to a friend of hers. And he does, and your sister replies. She tells him that if she ever sees him again she will knock him down, and then she'll tell you. Just as you thought those two months of pain were over, you'll feel a burning feeling over your whole body. Your bones will start to shake and you'll feel the cracks in your heart opening up again. But that is what he wants. He wants you to hurt, he wants you to feel every ounce of pain he caused you two months back. Your sister will tell you to let it go and you will nod and say it's okay, but it's not. He is trying to hurt you again, and he knows damn well he will succeed. Because you were in love, maybe you still are.

Stage six:

You'll start to realize you were never friends with him, not for a second. You were in love with him since you stepped on his toes at a new year's party and then stepped on your heart in june. But you were not friends, and you never will be. And at this moment you will have no idea how you can fall out of love with him even if it's been two months since you saw him and your friends can't understand why sometimes you talk about him with tears in your eyes. They tell you to get over it because it's been two months and after all you weren't even that long together, and you will lie and defend yourself saying you don't even think about him anymore. But you do, and you still love him. Here's the thing: you will fall out of love, that is stage seven. But the truth is, stage six will last for so long that you feel like you can't ever get out. But you will get out, you will stop hurting and your heart will be fixed. Just not for now. And that's okay. You will be okay.

---Written By Lynn Cornelis